Concerts Seen

A friend once asked me how many bands I've seen and I thought, hell, I never got to post here all the bands I've seen live:

† Scorpions †
† Nightwish †
† Robert Plant [vocal of Led Zeppelin] †
† Megadeth †
† Marilyn Manson †
† Alice Cooper †
† Apocalyptica †
† Negura Bunget †
† Joan Baez †
† Rotting Christ †
† Paradise Lost †
† Catamenia †
† Uriah Heep †
† Samael †
† Therion †
† Laibach †
† Avatar †
† Dies Irae †
† Luna Amara †
† Winterhorde †
† Interitus Dei †
† Dungeon †
† The Sword †
† Placebo †
† Iris †
† Trooper †
† Lauren Harris †
† Vita de Vie †
† MG42 †
† Holograf †
† Felicia Filip †
† The Ark †
† Hathor †
† AB4 †
† Altar †
† Wu-Tang Clan †
† Mass Infection †
† Taxi †
† Suicidal Angels †
† Cap de Craniu †
† Goran Bregovic †
† Implant Pentru Refuz †
† Raza [sucked BAD] †
† Blue †

Hahaaaa! Excuse the crosses, I pasted them from Myspace. This year I haven't seen any band....which makes me rather disappointed, but meh. Hopefully I'll see W.A.S.P. :D [thanks to Michael again].

Even Photos Age

Last year I found this portrait in an abandoned house in Thasos. It struck me, maybe because it reminded me of good horror films where one would find an odd looking portrait in the middle of a deserted asylum, maybe of the mad doctor who used to run it. The next year, I searched for it when I went back to that place and I found it: unmoved by human hands and touched only by the weather. But it even seemed that the man in the portrait aged.

Even photos age, you know? And I mean it metaphorically. I am fascinated by age, by experience, by touching each wrinkle that rekindles a memory and a state. I always liked it. I was never into fair skin and perfect faces. If I were a boy, I'd have been one of those who dated older women.

So as I looked into that old portrait, I remained stuck in time. I don't know how many people had noticed it or went the next year to see how it looks. If there are, I'd like to meet them. I got to care about this portrait, although I don't know who the man is. I even thought to break in and take it, but the spell would disappear. Its purpose is to be there, stuck in time, not protected, but aged by weather and not years.

So I thought: I want to be aged by weather, too. That would mean that I could simply choose to be immortal otherwise. I don't ever want to die. Death is only for observation to me, so if you were wondering how come that death fascinates me so much, there you go.

But leaving aside these rather utopic dreams, I like this photo. And a question: I had to subscribe to my master's degree with a theme and I chose Nihilism. Do you want me to publish the essay? :)

If not, I'll still publish it probably. The question was more rhetoric, y'know. And I wanted to thank Michael for finding "STEALING HOME" for me. :)


Ich Will

M-au admis la masterat in filosofie, Istoria si circulatia ideilor filosofice, la UB. M-am bucurat, dar ca orice bucurie intr-o tara birocrata, nu a durat mult pana m-am lovit de hartii. Seara era reclama aia cu spune si tu, sau asa ceva: "Tu la cate ghisee ai stat ca sa iei o hartie?". Haha!...

N-am sa ma mai plang, ca deja ai inteles cat ma enerveaza hartiile, ci am sa vorbesc despre altceva, ceva ce pare sa uimeasca mai mult sau mai putin lumea din jurul meu. Cate fete n-am cunoscut care sa-mi spuna ca visul lor erau sa intalneasca un barbat cu ochii albastri si obsedat de tunuri [de exemplu] si se nimereau langa unul cu ochii negri si obsedat de masini. Ideea? Am sa spun asa: tipei ii place de un actor care reprezinta idealul ei. Ea nu cauta un om care sa atinga macar cu 80% idealul, ci o vad langa un bocciu si-mi spune: "Mah, viata asa e... Sanse sa intalnesc pe unu' ca X sunt minime asa ca..."

Asa ca, scuzati-mi cacofonia [desi tot ce face ea e o cacofonie sentimentala], asa ca ce? Daca n-ai standarde si te multumesti cu putin, atunci meriti putin. M-au intrebat multi de ce nu am un iubit acum, iar cand le-am spus ca inca n-am intalnit pe unul ca Mark Harmon sau Viggo Mortensen, au ras, tinand de mana bocciul de mai sus. Pai eu rad, in cazul asta. Decat cu putin, mai bine deloc.

M-au intrebat ce vreau sa fac, le-am spus criminalistica, au ras din nou. "Pai asta nu se face in Romania...". E, nu! Ba se face. Nu se face ca in America, dar se face. "Eh, da, dar nu e banoasa." Da' de unde stii tu? Nu-mi place ASE, shoot me. Plus ca, dragi ASEisti, deja sunteti prea multi si locurile de munca sunt "cam" saturate. S-a trezit si Romania ca mai are nevoie si de cercetatori ale fenomenelor paranormale in padurile din Carpati. :)

Lumea zice ca-s plina de vise, dar, desi rar spun asta, ma priveste cu un soi de invidie; pentru ca ei traiesc pentru putin, pentru ca ei se multumesc cu boccietatea, pentru ca ei se multumesc cu un salariu, fara sa le placa slujba. Nu-mi place sa spun ca sunt invidiata, mai ales ca in ultima vreme, asta e replica de cocalar. Ich bin was ich will.

Am fost studenta la filosofie pentru ca asta AM VRUT. Acum sunt la master tot la filosofie pentru ca asta VREAU. Traiesc mai viu decat multi dintre voi in my secret life pentru ca ASA VREAU. Cati dintre voi traiti asa cum vreti?



I really liked Nine Inch Nails for a long time. Maybe ever since I heard the song DEAD SOULS. Anyway, it was long enough to have them probably in my top 5 bands, Metallica being the first. There was a concert here in Romania, in a city where I saw Apocalyptica long ago, because I had a relative where to sleep at. I had. But this time I couldn't go to the concert and I found out that they're pretty much ending their career.

I am bothered because I have heard many retards who only talked about how drunk they were at this concert. It's the same retarded attitude like the "Vama Veche religion". If there is something that I absolutely HATE about the "rock" scene in this country, it's this. Otherwise, not even emo kids bother me, even if I am associated with them so often now [why, because monkeys discovered them].

So I listen to NIN almost every day. I like the band which I might never have the chance to see because I couldn't go then. And I know other fans in the same situation, having to bear with the idiots who got OH SO DRUNK at that festival.

So, my best wishes to you: get an alcoholic coma.


Ask Me Pt. Whatever

You'll bullshit in this quiz, won't you?
~I never bullshit, so why would I start now? :)

How long have you known the person you like?
~1 year.

How old were you when you first kissed someone?
~I believe I was 12-13 but I am not so sure.

Would you rather party until you die, or live a quiet life?
~I would like both, but if I have to choose, then party.

What song are you listening to right now?
~Nothing. Tv.

What kind of music do you listen to?
~From metal to classical rock, classical music, electronic, industrial, goth, even pop if it's nice.

Do you hate emos?
~Hate is too strong. Mild dislike is better. I don't have anything against them as long as they don't bother me.

Do you hate lads?

Who are you thinking about right now?

Are you watching tv, if so, what are you watching?
~A show about stupid girls who have to answer to quiz questions and make a fool of themselves. :))))

Do you have any pets?
~Yes, a lot of pets...

Do you have a gf/bf?

Do you have msn?

Where is your best friend at the moment?
~Home, online with me. :x

What was the last thing either of your parents said to you?
~We were talking about history.

What colour is the shirt you're wearing?
~Black COCA COLA shirt.

Do you have long or short hair?
~Long and short. I have long hair and undercut. :]

Would you rather an emo or a lad?
~Would I rather...be? Lad. Would I rather date...? Lad. Would I rather whatever? Lad.

Where is your gf/bf at the moment?
~That is a secret.

Are you old enough to party?
~Yes, but my kind of parties don't need a legal age anyway. :P

How many times have you been to hospital?
~I don't know. That happened when I was little and in coma. :/

When will you see the person you're thinking about next?
~I see him everyday. :)

Can you party hard?
~Our definition of party hard are different.

Can you drink much?
~I don't touch alcohol. I can't stand it anymore. But I can drink a lot of coke. :D

Why did either of your parents last yell at you?
~I was an asshole and my dad got pissed on me. He had a reason to be stressed and I'm not going to say more.

Do you like music with screaming in it?
~I used to like ONLY that. Now I keep it for some moments.

Would you put your life on the line for anyone?
~No. Not now.

What is your ultimate fear?
~Death. Hence the previous answer.


I just found out now that Patrick Swayze died yesterday. This is so messed up. I remember him as Orry in "North and South" and as a fighter. Hell, I don't know what else to blabber, I can't believe this. I'm sending my best thoughts to his family and friends.




Iar ma iau de un articol scris intr-unul din ziarele mele preferate. Articolul asta e din seria "PANDEMIE!!!". Tema e incendiul recent de la fabrica de cauciucuri sau ce era aia. Tot ce concluzioneaza e ca o sa murim de cancer, ca nu ar trebui sa mai mancam si sa mai bem nimic, ca PANDEMIA!!!!!! s-a intins in aproape toata tara si ca fabrica mai lucra si ilegal pe langa toate. Eu sunt de acord sa informezi omul, dar deja asta trece in aria dezinformarii. Parerea mea e ca un articol sau o informatie ce are rolul de a panica e dezinformare totala. Panica e inutila, tampita si distructiva. Dar am uitat, scopul e sa ne faceti inutili, tampiti si distructivi.

Unu: Am citit articolul, acum stiu ca e naspa situatia, de atat am nevoie. Pentru o situatie atat de apocaliptica in care dupa cum am citit, NU EXISTA SOLUTII, raspunsul meu la tot e: ASA, SI ACUM CE FAC? Adica, ce propuneti in situatia asta? To lay down and die, vorba frantuzului?

Doi: Fabrica lucra ideal, deci noi acum riscam sa ne imbolnavim de cancer pentru ca sistemul e corupt si lasa asemenea institutii sa existe. Ca intotdeauna, pentru tampeniile pe care le fac "sefii" trebuie sa plateasca norodul, ca asa e CORECT!

Trebuia sa fie un articol care sa-mi gadile nervii putin. :) Asa ca stim ca din ziare in general nu prea stii ce sa crezi: intr-o zi Cola e buna pentru memorie, in alta te omoara. Eu incerc sa nu cad in extreme si in credulie, dar ceilalti.....?

Si acum [adica la inceput :)) ], o poza de-a mea, care zic eu ca n-are nici o legatura cu postarea. XD


Annabell sits at her window

Gazing at the autumn sky

Prays that Christ will come and save her soul

Drifting out into the garden

Holding close to father's shame

Fighting back the bitter ages song

Oh Annabell - When will you see

There's nothing left inside

At dawn we dream

Promises of love forever

Hand and hand into the fields

Curses prey upon a heart so young

Everything she's ever wanted

Clinging to his velvet lies

Anything to take away the pain

On and on into the season

Waiting for his serenade

Ghosts will dance for one last crimson kiss

Cast away times endless circle

Haunting statues in a spell

Tears of blood betrayed by mornings light.

©Seraphim Shock

Because Annabel is the name that my best friend inspired me and it became my other name. I had a song from this band since long ago, but I didn't listen until a few days ago. And the song fits me. :)


Insubstantial Blabbering

Does anyone have a Fuckitol to spare? I kind of ran out. Sometimes, things get heavy and Fuckitols always seem to disappear when you need them. It's quite a "coincidence", huh? I regret my bastardness, I say evil things when I'm mad. Sometimes they're so evil that I blame it on another entity. It's so easy to do so. I want to stop saying such heartless things when I'm angry.

These past weeks I've been having odd dreams: from a homeless who instead of begging for money, he said a philosophy quote and people gave him money for his culture, to being pregnant and delivering a chicken (that was dry by the way!), to stabbing a violent father (not mine, relax haha) to death, to other dreams that I don't recall right now. My subconscious talks to me and I reply. I like to think that our relationship exists in consciousness. It's like we're two entities, in one body, chatting in an unknown language and both breathing The Secret Life. I like to be asked questions. I request interview threads on VF only to be asked questions. It's fun. Sometimes the sky depresses me, because it reminds me that I can't fly. In dreams I always fly and see colors. My subconscious anihilates the gore, so even the most heinous murder is covered in glitter.



Another thing that I've learnt from Mark/Gibbs: never depend on anybody. It's not stated in his rules but he applies it. I finished my essay for the Master's Degree approval exam and I had to deal with a lot of bureaucracy, which is my weak spot. It is one of the things that transforms me into a fiend. There are people who work with papers and people who just complain about them, no, I am one of those who get mentally challenged by papers, files, etc. I had several very quick nervous breakdowns and it's been a while since that happened. I realized that I CAN not be focused on personal things and just think about what's "professional"...

But I did them all alone, for the first time. And as much as I moaned about it, I managed it. And tonight I've been told that without diacritics, my work will be most likely seen as a teenager's paper. I first said "I can't do it" so we were going to delay it with another day so that a guy can fix the diacritics. But I tried somehow and I made them all not only because I hated to depend on him, but also because hopefully this hell will end tomorrow. Then I fixed my printer which used to refuse to print every 3 lines. I fixed it with a screwdriver. I don't need a damn technician.

It may not be a big deal to you, but to me it is because I am raised in a family where I always get help no matter what I need. And kids who get this treatment hardly manage to do things on their own in life.

End of show-off.



Nothing to add but...

Do you know how pale and wanton thrillful
Comes death on a strange hour
Unannounced, unplanned for
Like a scaring over-friendly guest you've
Brought to bed?...
Death makes angels of us all
And gives us wings
Where we had shoulders
Smooth as raven's claws
No more money, no more fancy dress
This other kingdom seems by far the best
Until it's other jaw reveals incest
And loose obedience to a vegetable law.

© Jim Morrison

[*I promised you one of the boneyard photos I took in Thassos, there it is.]


Back To Me

M-am intors din Thassos ieri seara si am realizat ca mi-a fost dor de casa si de Romania, "cu bune si cu rele" cum ar spune unii. Chiar daca atunci cand am intrat in vama nu era nici un indicator, ne-am luat dupa cativa motociclisti pe un drum in diagonala [ca si cum ai merge in diagonala pe 5 benzi] si chiar daca ne-a izbit un miros de cacat [serios] cum am intrat in Romania, tot am reusit sa simt ca am ajuns acasa, intr-un fel. Apoi au urmat gunoaiele de la vama si BAH! Gata, iar vine tonul agresiv: reparati naibii drumul de la vama Giurgiu, macar pana in Bucuresti. Nu exagerez cand spun ca parca ar fi drum de off-road, gropi, curbe de 90 de grade, indicatoare invizibile, intuneric. Pai dupa ce vin strainii buimaci din Bulgaria, cum sa aiba o parere buna cand primele lucruri pe care le vad sunt muntii aia de gunoaie si gropile de 1m?

Oricum, chiar daca e 1% un dor de casa, tot e bine. Chiar daca... "I'm still having the American Dream."


Happy Birthday Mark Harmon!


You're my blessing and inspiration and for being such a kind and young at heart man, I know for sure that you will enjoy this day in the craziest way possible!

I really feel that we're connected and you literally made my day. I will make it short: I am still in Thassos. After a morning on the beach where I made that dedication to you :) , I was proposed to go to an abandoned village called Kastro, at about 1hr of off-road driving. Of course, you were with me, right here *pointing the heart*, so you know. I didn't really feel like going, I was lazy and hungry and I asked myself: "It's your birthday, I want to do something special, what would you advise me to do?" and in a split second, the decision was to give it a go. A "what the hell" moment.

I arrived there and the atmosphere was amazing. All abandoned in a 90% proportion and you could hear some children screaming from far away, like ghosts. But what truly made my day is what I consider to be your present for me, so I would celebrate more. :) I saw something that I always wanted to see and I will surely remember this day not only for your anniversary, but also for the "specialness" of the moment. There was an abandoned boneyard with tens of skeletons of people, craniums and bones, all together and around them were boxes with photos of the deceased. I opened a box and I found a photo of an old lady and next to it was her entire skeleton. I ALWAYS dreamt to see this, but not in a museum or crypt, but left like that. You could even take one if you wanted, but I thought that it wouldn't be a good idea to pass the customs with a cranium in my truck. :))

Anyway, the only thing that is sad is that I miss my Ni. But other than that, this day was THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST!

I am sending ALL my love to you, Mark. I don't believe in coincidences and I am sure that part of the dream come true is thanks to you, in an unexplainable way. I will upload skeleton photos once I select a few.

Happy Birthday!



Ma seaca o chestie. Ca sa "se lege", am sa explic: eu sunt o persoana slaba, insa nu sunt scandura. Sunt doar mai slaba decat "average". Bai, in 99,9% din datile in care ori sunt in costum de baie, ori mi se vede corpul mai mult, se trezesc unii ametiti cu aceeasi replica "Vaaai, ce slaba esti!". De multe ori o spun ca pe o observatie, pana acum nimeni n-a facut misto in adevaratul sens al cuvantului de treaba asta, dar pe mine a inceput sa ma enerveze.

Si intrebarea mea este: ce te mananca-n cur pe tine ca sunt asaaaa de slaba? De obicei replica asta vine de la femei pline de celulita, asa ca in loc sa imi spuneti ceva ce deja stiu, puneti-va dracului pe sport si mai lasati tampeniile. Acelasi lucru se intampla si persoanelor [mai] grase, insa acolo in loc s-o spuna ca pe o observatie, o spun in rautate. Uitati-va dracului in oglinda.

M-a enervat cand o fosta colega de liceu care e inalta si foarte slaba, gen scandura, s-a apucat sa imi spuna mie cat de slaba sunt si ca sunt mai slaba ca ea. Nu stiam ca e concurs. Macar eu n-am 2 metri, sunt slaba dar macar am o proportie. Oi fi mai slaba decat ea pentru ca am 1,70.

Vaaaai ce slaba sunt. Cand ma vad ca mananc serios ma intreaba "vai dar cum poti manca atat?". Uite-asa. Nu va mai vaitati atat ca nu e frumos.

Nu mai scriu ca sunt niste copii cretini in hotelul asta care urla intr-una si s-ar putea sa injur degeaba.